SHARON, KIKO SHARE THOUGHTS ON PARENTING
by Edmund L. Sicam, Philippine Daily Inquirer, October 26, 2002

THE COUPLE believes in living a simple life. Monica Gutierrez, INS

TODAY, the First Philippine Parenting Convention will be held at the NBC Tent to discuss issues and opportunities in modern day parenting. The three-day affair is spearheaded by Anthony and Maricel Pangilinan. To generate interest in the convention, the couple invited us to interview Megastar Sharon Cuneta and her husband, Sen. Francis Pangilinan at their Wack Wack residence. Excerpts:

You're both very busy people, how do you manage to spend quality time with your children, and what is quality time to you?

F: I think it's just living life simply. You work, then after work, you go home and do activities that are home-related. Huwag nang gawing kumplikado pa.

S: We don't like going out. Specially me! Siya, he has social obligations. Ako, I'd rather stay home. But this guy, he really makes a big effort to come home early to put the baby to sleep.

F: With KC naman, it's being interested in what interests her.

S: Last night she was showing us a video of different dances. She likes to dance e, she's in the dance corps of her school.

F : And then she had this pep rally in school, they had a tape.

S: We watched the video, and she likes mga Britney Spears and Janet Jackson so, when there's a new DVD out, I order it from the States for her.

F : ...and of course, homework,

S : We make bantay.

How important are grades to you?

F: The way I explain it to KC, it's not so much getting high grades, but getting the grade that you work hard for.

S: ...and getting the grade that you're capable of getting.

But are you personally disappointed if your kid doesn't get high grades?

F: It's not the high grades. When you talk to the teachers, they will tell you, she's intelligent, etc., but sometimes her mind is not focused on the work at hand. It's not the grades, it's the attitude.

Hardest phase

They say the hardest phase of a person's life is the teen years.

S: Oh yes!

So how do you cope with a teenager in your house?

S: We had rough patches about three years ago.

F: I try my very best to remember my own teenage years so I don't become too harsh or rigid. 'Cause we all went through that phase.

S: In that area, he has the edge over me. Because my teenage years were years of working na, I had no privacy. But I was still in school. In school, I was normal. I always had something I had to be responsible for, so I didn't want to disappoint my parents in any area, either work or in school, so it was different for me. So pagdating doon, I tell Kiko, "Ikaw ang mag-ano," kasi nga emotional ako e. There are things naman that she can talk to me about that she can't tell her dad.

What kind of disciplinarians are you as parents?

S: We ground her when she needs to be grounded.

F: There is a curfew. There are rules. You are not allowed to do this on school days.

S: And when you say you're going to this place, you can't all of a sudden move to another without letting us know first, because times are scary. We're a little bit more maluwag with her now because she's older, and we know her friends.

Do you believe in spanking?

S: Yeah. But the last time I spanked KC, she was four years old pa! In her 17 years, I've spanked her about twice or thrice, fake pa nga e! It's more the psychological aspect, kahit di naman masakit, kasi di mo naman itotodo, "Oh my God, I'm being punished!"

F: I feel the same. Maybe on occasion.

What was the difference between raising Frankie and KC?

S: You know, I had KC when I was 19. I was practically growing up myself. I had to make a life for the two of us. I was still trying to establish myself in show business. So I had to be dad, mom, the provider, the sister. Mahirap talaga. Basta, I did my best. Although looking back, sana, I could have spent as much time with her as I spend with Frankie now.

What do you think was the effect of those years on KC? May emotional...

S: Hindi maaalis iyon e . . . I think. Like for example, I see in Frankie, she's so secure, she'll be friendly to anybody because nobody in this house has ever shown her na walang pumapansin sa kanya. Si KC, obviously, had to put up with a lot from the time that she was 2 1/2. But she's coped pretty well. She's a very malambing child. But she's a bit more matago now. She doesn't right away tell you what she feels.

Kiko, how do you relate to KC?

S: Super daddy!

F: I consider her my own . . . She calls me Dad . . .

S : And no one asked her to call him that. All of a sudden, just one day, she goes, "Dad..."

Bonding

So nag-bond kaagad kayo?

F: I think so.

Why?

S: Si Kiko kasi, closely knit iyung family.

F: Madami akong pamangkin e, and I was always very fond of kids. I told myself, with KC, I should just be myself.

S: KC warmed up to you very easily.

S: I think, aside from loving Kiko, what really finally made me decide yeah, this is the guy I'll marry, was that KC really got along with him.

How do you keep your children from getting spoiled?

S: That's our problem sometimes because although we try our best, like KC has an allowance every week, but her lola my mom, spoils her.

F: I think part of it is how we live our lives. I teach by example. I live within my means, I'm not maluho.

S: You should live nga below your means, e.

Do you screen what KC watches on TV or the movies?

S: I'm ano pa rin: Ano ba iyan KC? Kadiri iyan! Then she'll laugh, but sometimes she'll change the channel.

F: Children are impressionable. They see how you respond and react. So me, without being direct, but at the same time being firm about particular issues, hindi pupuwede iyan.

Do you screen who sees KC?

S: Ay, no! I just ask her, sino iyan?

F: It doesn't come to screening but it comes to . . . you won't hear good words from me.

S: Medyo balanse kami doon, kasi siya yung ayaw. Ako yung laging sinasabihan niya ng, ano ka ba? Masyado kang friendly diyan! Magka-close na kayo!

F: E biro mo, kung merong singsing sa ilong, siyempre . . .

S: Ay, ayoko iyon! Pag mukhang abnormal, ayoko! Pag hindi mukhang disente, ayoko.

F: You'll hear from me! I will not keep quiet and say, mukhang OK ito, may singsing sa ilong...

S: Ako, it doesn't matter. I always tell her, I don't care what the background of the kid is in terms of what his parents went through, as long as I see the kid is matino, trying to make a good life for himself. As long as I see he can be good to you, that's fine. And she brings them here.

Time for each other

With the punishing schedule you have, how do you find time for each other?

S: That's very rare! Hahaha! Kasi what happens is, the priority is really the kids.

F: We were in Bali two weeks before the bombing.

S: Kami lang. But the whole time, we were thinking of the kids. Even on our wedding anniversary, when we check into a hotel, we say, ano, sama na natin sila, kasi hindi kami matatahimik. My kids are my life, I cannot live without them. My happiest times are when the four of us are abroad and we go to cheap places and we don't do anything fancy. Favorites namin, Bangkok, Hong Kong. And I still wanna go to Bali and Malaysia.

How do you raise children in these troubled times?

F: Siguro you become philosophical. You simply leave it all up to God. You work as if everything depended on you, and pray as if everything depended on God.

S: It used to be easier - at least, we had options. Just a few years ago, before 9-11, if things got tough, you could always plan to go to the States and start a life there. Ako naman, I never really imagined living anywhere else e. I had my one, happy, fabulous year in Boston, but I love being home.

But I'm a mother, so even if I love my country so much, even if my husband is a senator, if I don't feel safe in this country, being a mother, first and foremost, I'm going to watch out for the safety of my children. The sad thing is, I know how hard my husband works and how grand his dreams are for the country and what he's willing to sacrifice.