KEEPING THE MAGIC
by Cathy Babao-Guballa, Philippine Daily Inquirer, February 13, 2000

Beyond the celebrity status, Sharon Cuneta and Francis Pangilinan are your regular loving couple--and they work hard at staying that way.

IT WAS early 1994, and they had been seeing each other for a while, the Megastar and the bright and unassuming lawyer. One quiet evening, home alone, he sat listening to a tape of a concert she had done in September 1993, a few months before they met. On that tape, she was about to sing the last song, and by way of an introduction she said, "If there is only one song I am made to sing, then this would be it." And then she went on to sing the theme song from the movie "The Promise." Seated in his chair, he could hardly believe what he had just heard. The lawyer who could not read a single musical note could only play one song on the piano from start to finish. It was the same song she had just sung.

It was definitely not a case of "love at first sight," at least not for Sharon Cuneta. The first time she noticed Francis Pangilinan was at the December 1993 wedding of Francis' younger brother Anthony to actress Maricel Laxa. "I was on my way to the ladies' room when from the corner of my eye, I saw this guy who kind of looked like Anthony. So, I said to myself, must be his brother, and I said hi. He just gave me this really formal and curt 'Hello.' So I thought back then, suplado naman nito! And that was that." A month later, they went out on a group date. "I was hesitant to go out alone with someone whom I hardly knew because I was afraid I'd get bored, so I wanted my friends around," Sharon explains. But boredom was far from what she would experience with Francis, who was intelligent, funny, well-versed and terribly articulate. "We could talk about anything under the sun, and found that we shared the same values," they say.

In early March 1994, the Megastar was working late at the studio for an episode of "The Sharon Cuneta Show." She was eagerly waiting for a visit from Francis. Soon she found out he was stranded in Boracay, and could not come home. They beeped each other constantly that evening. Suddenly she began to miss him terribly. "Why am I feeling this way?" Sharon wondered. After a while, she realized, she had grown to love him, too.

On March 24, 1994 they "sealed the deal" and became a couple. One wonders if Francis was ever daunted by Sharon's fame, wealth and status. "I'm not intimidated by fame or wealth per se," he says. "I mean, when you die, you can't take that with you." What he found very attractive in her was that, beneath the layers of glamor and glitz, there was a simple girl who found tremendous joy in the simple things in life. They both believed in family, faith, fidelity and a strong work ethic. "She's also very silly. We're both mababaw, and I find that very endearing. Plus, of course, she's very sweet."

For her part, Sharon found that they could laugh together and shared the same dreams. "To me, that was the key thing. And he's God-fearing, loves my daughter, and is romantic. He writes me love letters," she says gleefully. "Eh, I like writing love letters, so I found a partner in him." In the early part of their courtship, when her schedule was very tight, he would write her, tell her stories, and share his thoughts on life, love and relationships through these letters. To this day, he leaves her notes on the dresser and in many unexpected places. "One time he asked me, `Have you weighed yourself today?' Ako naman, I felt like, why, do I look like I put on weight? Yun pala, he had stuck a note for me, right there on the weighing scale," Sharon giggles.

If the walls of the Cuneta-Pangilinan home could speak, what would they say? She says, "They're a funny couple. They laugh a lot, joke a lot. They're like kids." He adds, "How I wish they would spend more time together so that their fun and laughter would be more regular." But then she also adds, "But they really fight terribly too!" To this, he counters, "Sometimes it's like a détente. Knowing that you both have nuclear weapons, you are restrained from using them." "Sometimes, I can like go for a week without talking to him," Sharon says. "But it hurts. On the outside, you're cool, but inside..."

Being headstrong, Francis says, is a trait both he and Sharon share. "You recognize it as both a strength and a weakness. Therefore, we exercise restraint, as a whole." Normally, the issues that cause "discussions" are those that threaten the "givens" earlier mentioned--family, work, health. Francis feels that sometimes Sharon pushes herself too hard. "Sometimes she overdoes it in terms of work. Maybe because of her commitment to excellence. Sometimes, she's too hard on herself at the expense of her health." "He can be very strict sometimes," Sharon says. "At times, I feel like a child being reprimanded." She glances at him with a smile. "Maybe because I act like a child most of the time. But I know he's strict only because he's concerned about each member of the family. I know it's because of great love and concern. It's just that sometimes," and she pauses, "it's the method that he uses. I guess it's because he's a lawyer so he can be a bit strict, a bit stern. But sometimes, when I'm just too stressed out from work and I just want to be quiet, it's just not the way to deal with me."

Whatever it is they fight about, they're constantly making up because of a tremendous empathy they have for one another. "We have the capacity to put ourselves in the other's shoes," Francis says. "We may fight, but after some quiet time..." Sharon finishes the statement, "We realize where the issues are coming from, so we understand." Add to this an unwavering faith in God that has seen them through some of their difficulties and, as Sharon puts it, "not so rosy days." She says that there is a huge amount of mutual respect between the two of them, especially in the area of work. "I don't think I could have married someone who didn't support my work. Of course you prioritize family, but you are your own person, so you have to be given space to grow, and he gives me that."

One other strength that helps them ride the highs and lows of married life is the gift of humor. "Can you imagine living with someone so boring for the rest of your life? Yuk!" and they both laugh.

What is the worst thing that can happen to a couple? "When you allow the flame to die down," Sharon says. "When that goes, it's hard to bring it back." He adds, "When your passion to make it work is gone." "When it becomes routine and it doesn't make you happy anymore," Sharon says. "When the sight of your spouse doesn't make you happy." "That would be a tragedy," Francis concludes.

Both Francis and Sharon agree that it is a conscious effort to perform acts of kindness and love that keep the magic in a marriage alive. "It's so easy not to do it, and do something else," Francis explains. "It's so easy not to write a letter and just watch TV or go straight to bed and sleep. Or to buy flowers and not write the card yourself. What does it take to write a letter? What does it take to scribble a note in the morning?"

Sharon cheerfully recounts one such incident. "One time, he wrote a note on the bathroom toilet paper: 'Hi, Sweetheart! I miss you. I love you. Guess who: ME,'" and she lets out a laugh. Little things are clearly the stuff that bring magic into the marriage of these two extraordinary individuals who love and argue just as passionately. In the end, celebrity notwithstanding, Francis and Sharon are just like any other couple who love each other deeply, and who work just as hard to "keep the music playing"--and to make the promise live on.